♥-Chɚrish Bloşsȏm

New Year 2011, 1.1.11

2011-01-01T00:32:00.002+08:00

It's a brand new year,

everything isn't the same anymore since the last few month...

My wish finally granted,

it's really miracle that what I had pray all the times had come true.

23/11/2010 is the day that my wish grant afterall,

I appreciate what I have now and I hope that we could last forever.

Wishlist for my 2011:

- lose some weight

- having more healthier lifestyle, the same goes to my dear

- better results for final

- keep my dear happy

- hope to find back the memories that were fade via the new ro server

- everyone around me will be fine and all the best with them

- and of cos world peace...

WOE of heart

2010-11-17T11:30:00.002+08:00

I really wish I will have the ability to control all the outcomes.
My mind is full of the uncertainties that could make me insane.
The first time I felt zero confidence on,
the more and more inputs really make me sick,
I should not key them in but too bad it's my fault again.

I really wish I could bury my mind,
so I could stop thinking everything,
but even if I stop, things still go on.
I m lacking of strength and analysis skill on this.
My skill was too weak and I could not identify the following things already.

Can I make a move according to my preference?
but I'm bound with the conditions,
I may lose everything if I bleach the terms,
yet what should I do to get win-win solution?
I'm still crazy of going for the gamble,
at least the answer will be shown in the end of day.
Just the matter whether I can accept it if it turns bad or not.

Words to myself...

2010-11-11T02:37:00.002+08:00

Don't be afraid of hurting, you've gone through something like this before.
Don't drink pepsi, as don't ever asking for more,
Learn to be obedient to the fate and not trying to change what had been set on you,
you can't run or avoid anyway.
Assumption always plays the role of killing the mentality,
which it always cover the ugly truth behind the screen.
Please learn to see through the glasses and not looking on the glasses..
Things that have been set must be complete according to plan,
even it's challenging and even the winning rate is only 0.01%.
the rest 99.8% I could see the outcome and even the speeches,
the 0.01% left is for me to pray for miracle...
Traps set by you must be uninstall by you only anyway...

Flower Santuary Part 1

2010-10-25T00:43:00.010+08:00

Sharing

2010-10-22T21:27:00.001+08:00

I read an email and I find it interesting... so I decided to share it here.. Enjoy ya...

What is marketing ??

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: ' I am
very rich. Marry me! ' - That's Direct Marketing'

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One
of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: ' He's very
rich. 'Marry him.' -That's Advertising'

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day, you call and say: ' Hi, I'm very rich.
'Marry me - That's Telemarketing'

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten
your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a
drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she
drops it, offer her ride and then say:'By the way, I'm rich. Will you
'Marry Me?' - That's Public Relations'

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says:'You are very rich! 'Can you marry ! Me?' - That's Brand
Recognition'

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am
very rich. Marry me!' She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - '
That's Customer Feedback '

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am
very rich. Marry me!' And she introduces you to her husband. - 'That's
demand and supply gap'

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say anything, another person come and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you marry
me?' and she goes with him - 'That's competition eating into your market
share'

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your wife arrives. - ' That's restriction for
entering new markets '

2010-10-16T00:54:00.002+08:00

我真的希望不会发生，
希望一切都不是真的，
我只是在做梦。。。
我有什么资格关心人？
我有什么资格安慰人?
请上天告诉我，之前的只是在补偿我吗？
我已经那么不完美了，为什么又要加多一个不完美的元素？
我真的接受不了，
会有哪个人接受得到？
我不要人家可怜我。。。
可怜救不了我。
我只希望我的身体不是在开玩笑。。。
请告诉我，根本是判断的错误，不是真的。

己曰

2010-10-13T23:07:00.002+08:00

要面对的恐惧，没有离开过，
期望的快乐，也不曾出现过；
假象的、虚假的多不胜数。
生活里的事，是重复了又重复，
原因是自己根本没有学乖过。
很多时候，会常常埋怨和指责别人的错，
仔细想想，追根究底是自己的疏忽。
一年前的教训难道是白给的？
不是不想理会，而是自己做不到，不忍心做到。

对那些测出来的画面，
那些可怕的感觉，几乎没散过，
但是重复着在想和看，都开始厌倦了，
为何还是那么笨？
只因为自己太在意不应该在乎的地方了。
连自己的健康都在警告着自己，
为何太在意？
要改变的，挡不到，
应该改变的，舍不得；
不该变的，天天变着呢！
只能承认自己错了、累了、也痛了。

也许遇见极度相反的人，是个学习的机会，
可我看到的，接受不到，
接受到的，做不到。
自己真笨！我失败了！
很多时候，无论别人做了什么和说了什么，
只想沉默和微笑带过，心里要说的也懒得说了；
因为就算说了，东西是不会改变的。
很多人，说的每次都自相矛盾的，
我不拆穿只想留点面子。
说道好像非常了解似的，
但是你又了解我多少？
理解还是不理解不是重点，
重点是把你们自己的想法当成是我的为人，那就是大错特错！

无论如何，
答应了自己的事，这次不得有误了，
我只希望自己能坚持，不被动摇到了。
就算以后是很惨败的，很无助的，
时间也回不去了。
就连一点对事情的去向也不抱任何希望，
与其让它自己自然走，不如让我自己决定怎么走吧！

Clues

2010-10-09T00:14:00.002+08:00

Apparently two out of three predictions come true.
The last one left...
Seriously this few months,
my brain works double up more than normal.
I just couldn't control my own self emotion and so do my thinking...
The main mistake I ever miscalculate in,
my fault for putting all to this.

Everything is just mess up like hell.
Suddenly, I wish that the time can flow faster,
as fast as possible...
So I could repair and reverse the things I did wrongly.
Hopefully I really able to catch up the chance this time,
I don't want to miss it again like the one loss at a couple of months ago.

People just don't change,
they will just modify or adjust themselves.
However, underneath you are still who you are.
What we're improving in is to cover the claws or the wounds.
Change for the sake of your own advantage is a bliss,
however if it is for the sake of other, that is curse.
You're cursing yourself and other as well.

Practically this whole thing is used to remind myself,
pain and hurts are welcoming to my world,
I just want to see how far I can go...
And I would like to test my own self this time.
I swear I have to do better this time,
just for my own sake.

不完美

2010-10-06T00:25:00.002+08:00

有时候，会在想到底是我自己的问题还是家里的因素，
今天不好过，也让在脑海里熟睡很久的道理醒来。
其实也是简单的一个道理，
“珍惜”。
曾拥有的，很难再从来，
现在拥有的，不代表不会遗失掉的；
至于未来应该拥有的，不由我们决定。
今天活生生在你面前的，可能明天你再也见不到了。
人总是那么脆弱。

今天眼看认识了二十多年的朋友落泪了，
觉得无奈但羡慕她拥有的，
也发掘原来自己的不完整。
为何别人的家，亲戚们那么会替自己人着想，
为什么我家的只有挂名的亲戚？
为什么我连对他们有点感情都没有？
为什么连在家我都得戴面具行事？
不禁又想起那一句从那位师傅口说出来的话，
这一生人里，没有能够扶持我、帮助我的亲人。

原来从没改变的是我拥有一个不完整的灵魂。

Revolution

2010-10-04T00:19:00.002+08:00

I'll consider it as a beginning...
I would like to make some revolution on myself,
a new me.. new personality...
I know that the truth is still the truth,
whether I could accept it or not,
it just wouldn't change.
It's part of my give-up plan,
and some theories always flashed in my mind.

I don't have the strength to change anyone that I wish to do so,
and if I tried my best, it is just remaining the same,
I'll change myself instead.
What I think I can do, I've done it,
but the outcome is not under my control.
No matter how cruel the truths are,
no matter I could accept it or not, it wouldn't change.
Truth is truth anyway.

In the past,
I made my own analysis and I see the result on my own,
I couldn't accept and share the same shoulder with it.
Because I'm too weak...
The biggest weakness I ever had - overpowering for caring.

From today onward,
I'll try not to care something which isn't in my territory,
Should I just go back to the virtual world where all my mind is gaming?
Should I let the gaming take over my nerve and even my emotion?
everything is remain unknown...
But somehow I wish,
everything will be just as simple as my hair do...

2010-10-01T01:34:00.002+08:00

原来要找寻一个愿意听自己的心里一言一语的人，比登天还难。
吃喝玩乐的朋友，到处都是，
愿意细心聆听自己心里话的朋友又多少？

Baby Zephie~

2010-09-30T00:30:00.003+08:00

One of a sudden, I feel life's so miracle...
Some said 1 year-old bind 80 year-old's behavior,
some also said that we can't measure a kid ability when he was young.
Well, I met my nephew today~
He is the way too cute than I could ever describe~~
This is the second time I met him since the day he born,
and now he is 2-year-old.
He is a intelligent and shy boy~
He was so shy when he saw me, but he never cried even once...
The smile always "paste" on his face!
The kid is so adorable,
even though all the time he was shy,
he gave me a warm hug when I was leaving.

I'm envy of him~
he has nothing to worry about,
not like other kid, he always smile and laugh,
even when he fall down and knocked his head, won't cry at all...
he is tough~
I assume he knows that after this,
it would be years later when I gonna meet him again.
hopefully he will remember me~

I doubt what will he become when he grows up later~
^_^

Bloody Ice - End of Sem

2010-09-28T22:46:00.004+08:00

One semester is ending,
everything was just like happening in dream...
It isn't a sweet dream, nor bad dream.
In short, happiness will not be there for long,
just I never thought it would be that fast,
I don't have the ability to change everything or anything.
It was too scary that I was able to see it but wasn't able to solve it...

I would never thought of it,
that the mask I left for months would be reused,
I really don't want to wear it, but it's like I don't have any choice to decide it!
I'm not covering anything that is harmful to anyone,
just intended to cover my weak side...
too many things for me to judge,
too many issues required my acceptances.
The more I see, the more fragile I found out what I am.
I'm weaker than everyone besides me...
too bad for this...

Perhaps getting used is the worst thing ever,
once you lost it, you would struggle like hell...
I thought I might stop to analyze and predict,
however, if I avoid doing this,
I might lose my only defense shield...
I predict them so I can get to prepare what will be happening next,
I estimate them so that it could be one of the input of my prediction.
Somehow, I see something that I think I couldn't accept them at all...
I know it's going to happen... soon...
Just like what I said, the gamble I placed...
Win or Lose... result is cleared, just the time matter only...

记

2010-09-16T00:35:00.003+08:00

别人觉得容易的事，为什么对我来说是这么难？
为什么那些别人认为不是问题的问题，我却解答不到？
为什么过了那么久，我依然接受不到别人认为是芝麻小事的事？
为什么我会有那么多的不安和恐惧？
为什么我不能像别人那么轻快豪爽？
我的天！
现实的残酷离我越来越近，梦想中的美好远远不愿靠近。

为什么人那么可怕的？？！
很可怕=(
有时候很想把自己的头躲起来呢！ @_@''

Piece of Sense

2010-09-15T00:53:00.002+08:00

In a similar situation, but different people involving in,
different outcome and different perception...
At first I really thought my thinking was right,
but now I think you gained my respect for this.
So next time when you see me, don't plug off my tires and hide my shoes please ="(

For years, some of my memories almost fade,
From the day I was able to identify things around me,
until today, 2x years...
Sitting back at the same seat where my dad carried me when I was a baby.
I almost forget the sea, and the jellyfishes that I always liked to count last time...
today my memories was refreshed...

I realized I had changed a lot...
I liked to stand beside the corridor of the ferry and having fun in counting the jellyfishes,
but now I prefer to have a seat and listen to music and feel the wind hitting my cheeks.

2010-09-10T02:29:00.002+08:00

我真的快崩溃了，突然间我真的接收不到太多的事实。
很累，不想面对现实，太可怕、太无助了。
就连让我发泄和落泪的空间也没有。

RIP

2010-09-10T01:49:00.004+08:00

Year by year it goes, one by one leaving us behind,
it's like the God doesn't get my wish when I was praying all the time...
I guess I'm too late to know it's you who are involving at that incident...
If I know it earlier maybe I could go back to visit you... but chances are out.
Perhaps the God doesn't want you to stay in this pathetic way to face the cruel truth.
God brings you to another place which is free from problems and pains...
Don't miss everyone of us as it is not a good-bye, but a see you soon...
Do bless your friend so that she could recover and take legal action toward that murderer doctor!!

靖婷学妹，may you rest in peace...(090910 4am)

Rage it off!!!

2010-09-07T17:50:00.003+08:00

I was overestimate myself,
I thought I could easily forget as I want to,
too bad I can't..
The circumstance was lot different with the previous...
I thought without binding I could live happier instead,
it wasn't... It just pushed me to another end of the cliff.
I realized how scary and how unsafe I am,
Yet tell me what should I do?
The more I think, the more I'm afraid of the truth,
the more I predict, the more hurt I gain from the result.

You're just being too selfish,
you could avoid by stop thinking about the problems,
if things remain bring no harm to you anyway..
you just never think of people beside you!
the person in your eye is human,
but the people beside you aren't human??!
you care about one person's feeling but you ignored the other feeling!
I know you like to test people around you,
I didn't tell doesn't mean I don't know it at all..
You were even testing me as well at the first place!
Perhaps I'm too noob to know what's your intention,
perhaps you think it's the best for everyone of us,
but it is just what you THINK! not me!
Yes, after all it's all my fault for being like this,
but because of this, bugged me for few days by thinking what should I do!
You made me feel that I'm just a doll!
Or perhaps I was wrong to put too much of my emotions inside,
Should I say the existence of me just to be a companion?
and your existence just to be a meat shield?
I thought I could wait until the day,
but too bad I just impatient to voice-out whatever I think off!
Will you endanger me to be the goat?
Could I trust you??

Sigh, why my life is so “interesting"?
thing just doesn't change and keep repeating the same..
I don't want to be like this anymore...
Please give me strength to allow me encounter all the fears and tears, My god!

2010-09-05T15:18:00.002+08:00

Apparently I was being too tired...
I was thought free from my own binding will be the best,
however, it doesn't seem like that.
I've been so sick of the current,
I just want to be nobody.
Trying hard not to analyze and predict that frequent,
it's too scary for me to revive the truths.
Yes, that is scary one...
intention? real identity?
I don't tell don't mean that I don't know them,
I don't speak don't mean that I'm stupid.

I was just forgotten the facts that are always exist.
And now I remembered them and getting hurt by them.
It's pointless for me to rage it off,
I just want to lock them into the bottom of my heart.
I don't want to be such fragile anymore,
I must minimizing my emotion and feel to the lowest level as I could.

I hope to be a parasite-crab,
which only focus on the objective and aim - advantages;
no liking or feeling nor love required.
I want to sell away my soul,
where inside is nothing more but just goals and achievements.
Yes, I train myself to be feel-less and fearless.
It's too fragile and meaningless to be a kind person,
when you know that the things you gained are hurts and pain...

曰语

2010-09-02T15:53:00.002+08:00

现实与估计好了的，离越来越远了，
究竟离开了自己的约束，是好还是坏？
得到了一小节，就会渴望多一节，就是忘了原点。
获得了超出预算的，只是苦锅里的甜头，
面对不可能的期望，只有厌倦和疲惫。
有时千算万算，就是少算了自己这一步，
最初的锻炼和磨练，变成了今日的无聊和无奈；
以前的自己渴望着今日的待遇，现在的自己期望回到从前的自在，
就只是一线之差，但不是时间的过错，
是自己不够坚持和不够坚定，摔了一跤。
明知是注定败仗一场，明知道一丝差错也会遍体鳞伤，仍是前进着，
不懂如何停止，应该在哪里划上句号？
不想再约束自己，是为了让自己开心，
不想估计和预算，是怕面对坎坷的前方，
不过那是开始预兆还是结束的记号，心里有数。
这是一场赌注，我用我的约束来赌一次，代价就是我的快乐。
几乎忘了--- 平常心....

Mess

2010-08-19T00:02:00.002+08:00

Enviousness,
the only emotion I always used to have...
No matter how does people hurt,
they have their peaceful place to be,
a family that always be the soul of them...
I envy of it as I'm lacking out of it.
The concept that was always conveying,
"you see my smile, I witness your joy; sadness hides behind"
Clown-wannabe in short..

Just how fragile I am?
the best and the worst I am...
Endless "why" flooding my mind,
yet the answers were always by the side of my mind...
I wish I'm blind,
trustworthiness is always beside the cliff,
ignorance was the perfection.
I could only blame that I start the wrong chess after all.

My wish will never come true,
the only choice I have, face the truth...

重复

2010-08-11T02:08:00.002+08:00

重复地磨练，必备的。
什么都需要磨练和练习。
重复了多少次的愚蠢，
才换取后来的精明。
作了多少次的笨蛋，
才有灵敏的想法；
重复地哀几千几万次的痛，
才会懂得去放开了。
就只有机会，很难再重复出现。

计划了那么多，
分析的那么多，
千载难逢的机会来到了，
真的能把握到吗？
可能不，因为脑和心又开战了。
可不可以有多几次一样的机会？
我想磨练磨练一下，
提醒自己原本的用意和努力，
也要重复地告诉自己，
我不是属于这个地方；
我只是一个微不足道的小叶子，
总有一天会合别片叶子一样，
落在地面、化为泥土的。

有些时候，笨一次就够了。

Bird-day or Birthday?

2010-08-07T03:43:00.002+08:00

So practically, epic failed again,

The biggest gaps between happy and sad happens in a day...

From years ago,

I dislike my birthday...

Celebration from friends always remind me the tease.

Of course I really appreciate all my friends' effort in order to make me happy.

But just why?

Why friends can do it but not my family??

What I want is just a simple greeting from them,

I don't care about the present, but I want the greeting from you.

Why you all can remember that guy birthday and forget about mine?

And I'm having the same birth day with him!!

From 4 years old until now,

I really feel disappointed and unfair!

Every time I wish, I hope that the date of birth of mine will disappear from the calendar!

No people will understand how pain it was and it is going on still...

I know many people will said that I'm kind of people who is greedy,

but you aren't me...

Perhaps yes, I have what people don't have...I get what other people can't get,

but I can't get the most simple ever thing I hope...for years.

And people can get them easily...

Why I have to bear the unfairness alone but not tat idiotic blood-related guy?

Why he can get what ever he want without any hard-works

And I have work hard like a mad cow?

And the fate is really kidding with me,

second substitute, beside family...

5 years I've been waiting to see you appear,

I know it's not your fault but still why?

The day when I enjoy the maximum rate of disappointments

is always my birthday...

Or rather I shall change the "always" into "definitely"...

I was still in my process in learning,

Learn not to hope for anything as it always end up with "joy" of disappointment....

论

2010-07-29T00:24:00.002+08:00

所有重要的器官，大都是和心脏最靠近，
就只有我们的脑袋里它最远了，
中间还得隔着一条骨桥，成为脊椎骨。
原因其实很简单，怕放两个在一起会打架。
脑子里想的，往往都是和心作对的，
而心里要的，脑子往往认为是最笨的。
最可贵之处，是脑和心拥有共鸣，
很少人做得到。

我总是在画圈圈，
固定了我的每一天，
固定了我的每一步路，
也约束心里想象的范围。
每走一步就想着之后的路，
就是离不开猜测，估计，和计划。
很累很疲倦。
可是我没法子不这样做，
这就是我。
真的很希望我可以偷懒一天，
不必猜，不必分析，不必想。

人羡慕鱼，可以在水里游，
人不是鱼，怎能知道鱼的忧愁；
鱼羡慕鸟儿，但无法了解鸟儿的快乐，
因为鱼不是鸟。
鸟羡慕人，是因为不知道人类的无知，
因为它们不是人类。
你羡慕我，因为你不是我，
永远无法了解我的惶恐和无奈。

我是一个笨蛋，不应该是个什么都懂、都理解的人。

曰

2010-07-27T00:01:00.003+08:00

不是每一个人都能够理解我的想法，
也不是每一个人认同我的做法，
即使有一天，全部人都不谅解我，也不过是如此。
是我的脚步太快了？还是你们太慢了？
总是到了最后懂得我的用意。
信任？值得多少钱？
反正我没有错，也不需要任何人的谅解！
我只怨自己不够冷血、无情。

Quene

2010-07-26T02:30:00.002+08:00

Sometime, statements are not defined by other, yourself instead...
the same perception too...
Luck, the thing that we are always questioned in.
Cage, another thing there...
You lock it yourself,
your choice.
Decision comes first, Damn or Bless next...

言

2010-07-25T01:34:00.002+08:00

提醒自己，
玫瑰和仙人掌的存在。

对不起，我真的不能不约束自己。

^_^

2010-07-24T03:56:00.002+08:00

Well, it's not my favorite to do so...

But every rule has their exception...

Of course, exception for my Mr. Prawnie brother~~

24/7/2010 - Specially for you la.. ^_^

I hope this way can repay your efforts and kindness to me la...

Knowing each other from 2007 March till now~~

Friendship forever^_^

Fairness

2010-07-24T02:30:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel it's so unfair,
even though it's my choice,
I can't help but to know people's mind.
With this blog,
people get to know more about my mind;
how am I going know know about other??
The only choice left was just... senses..
Though I know it wouldn't stay for long,
there will be some-days that I may lose my only weapon...

机器人

2010-07-21T00:11:00.003+08:00

劝告别人，谈何容易，
可是自己要说服自己还真难。
要相信自己看见的，还是听见的？
有时候，真的很难。
进难，退也难，原地踏步更加难,

虽然说是非成败转头空,可是还没转头前呢？
麻木地相信自己，犹豫着真理所在，
最后因为自己的过失，惹来不少烦恼。
这样的改变，我真的不太舒服，也不好过。
可是究竟应该怎样解决的，从头到尾，都没改变的，
只是不断地重复告诉自己别怕，不可以害怕，
除了这样好像没有别的了。

真的！有时候不是自己无能，而是不要让自己能，
就因为害怕自己的能让自己失去什么的。
我怕改变，可是我阻止不了改变，而我也一定要面对改变，
口头上说的，只是掩饰着伤痕，
脑子想的，只是不让心再乱来。

我只是一个机器人，除了会给反应之外，我什么都不是；
我也期望我真的是机器人。
这个就是让自己放松了许久的后果。
对不起别人，和对不起自己。

2010-07-19T10:17:00.002+08:00

看见你新放的照片，
我想我真的不一样了。
一年前的我，肯定没有那么平静对待。
时间过得真快，
而我却是出乎预料的平静和自然，
看来我真的放下了。
就连所发生过的事，
就像被埋没在灰尘中，
渐渐模糊了。
我会写在这里，只是纯粹的提醒自己，
曾经我也会因为你的一句话，一句很平常的借口，
让我享受了了一年不愉快的二十一岁。
不是你无情，而是我太用心，
不过不重要了，
因为我学会了不给自己任何的期望，
要做什么就做下去，不必要等了再等；
还是要谢谢你，给我人生有个不一样的体会，
也让妹子安心了吧？

=)

2010-07-18T01:54:00.002+08:00

So you failed to do it again...

thought you were successful on what you had mentioned,

but few days later you failed to make it...

just like the insect stuck on the spiderweb...

A new perception here,

I deserve better....

心

2010-07-16T01:32:00.002+08:00

人总是这样，

你喜欢的人，他却不喜欢你，

你不喜欢的，就吵到要命。

很难得我心里不再有任何的挂念，

却又来了好几单烦人的事。

有时候，就是约束和固定害的。

被约束，即使有了自由，也会时常警惕自己。

固定了，有些事情是不可以照着心做的。

我很羡慕那些肯照着心做事的人，

不怕约束和不被固定的。

因为我知道，除了我之外，

还有许多人，是无法跟着心走自己想要走的路，

责任和理智战胜了心灵。

别人会羡慕我拥有的性格，很希望和我一样，

可是当你是我时，我想你会厌倦和无奈。

冷血？怕再被伤害，

无情？怕又在失望；

拿得起放得下？除了这样，我还能怎样。

快复原？麻木了。

身体遇到细菌感染，生病了一次，就会有多一层的抵抗力，

心理遇见太多的伤害，自然也会多了一次的教训和克服的抵抗力。

如果给我机会跟着心走自己要的路，

选自己要的人，我一定会走去，

可惜我的性格改不了，被动和沉默是我的特征。

如果你有机会，那你会把握跟着自己的心走吗？

Top Priority

2010-07-13T00:06:00.004+08:00

Some flashback there,

I have a simple hope here.

No matter any changes or impacts are there,

The only thing that I would never change,

I just want you to be happy, daddy~~^_^

Everything is meaningless without your existence,

I know I can't do anything to pay back my entire debts,

I can't even helps you to clear off those junkie and noobs.

But my top priority will be always you~~

I don't care suffering and what's make me bloody hell hurt;

If it's your comfort, everything will be alright to me=D...

I love you a lot... papa~~~muakz~~~

Flash view

2010-07-11T17:52:00.003+08:00

A new lesson of the day : Isolation and ignorance make perfection...

Could I ever have some time to rest my mind?? Please stop creating problems...
Guess what, as usual, I hate idiot...
Once you did it, forever you pay for it...
Girl, I don't really care you're intended or careless to do so,
still I'm really disappointed with you. =)

I know I still unable to do what I had promise at the previous posts perfectly, but I'm on my way...
1 more variable to make me move on...

My Day

2010-07-10T22:58:00.008+08:00

It's been ages since I cook spaghetti, and today I did it~ I remember the latest cook was half year ago... Although it's insufficient ingredient for it, it's nice anyway~=D

And Finally~~~
It's great and delicious, you know?? =D colorful and nice^^

I found the luckiest ever thing in the whole day, thanks for your blessing... I always believe you're watching us there~ =) miss you a lot...
I'm glad that I'm so lucky to have friends like you all...

Cactus-wannabe

2010-07-10T00:03:00.004+08:00

Practically, I was over-estimate myself,
eventually, I was underestimate myself too...
Blog, I could delete it as I like.
Things I hate, throw it away if I want to,
Memories? Can I press Delete button?
I just have a simply wish here,
hoping the incident that happened in the past year won't reappear again.
And of course,
I grown up, at least for 1 year-old...
I don't putting too much hope on that,
and thanks to that "forget" word,
you drive me crazy for the whole year of my 21!
Therefore, nothing much but memories =)
Too many I want to forget,
too many things I want to bury,
including bury myself into the graveyard.
How great to be a cactus~~

Lastly, thanks you prawnie... for all the well-managed of my ids...^^

晓

2010-07-07T01:26:00.002+08:00

至此，能坦然让我说出心里话的人，
我会毫无隐瞒的说，多年来也只有一个。
应该高兴还是伤心，不详。
请原谅我的隐瞒和谎言。

原来真的能了解到我在想什么的人，
知道我用意为了什么的人，一个都没有。
可悲。
是时候放慢脚步了，哪怕是没人跟得上，
不如说是我自己走的太快了。

如果笨蛋都做得到而我又做不到的事，
那我真的浪费二十一年多的米。

364days

2010-07-06T00:37:00.004+08:00

The petals of the roses fallen,
I know the length which I could see the perfect scene is not longer there.
I wish that the petals would fall at all,
I hope they could remain there without leaving the plant,
It's impossible for that.

I was wrong that I thought I could hold,
Never know that I would hold the rose,
I made a mistake by scratched my finger tips.
I made a mistake by making the petals fall in the same time.

I broke my promise made. Sorry to myself, I must be work harder in order to achieve that stage...

累了

2010-07-04T23:39:00.002+08:00

我可不可以什么都不要想？
我可不可以什么都不要听？
我不是不认同你们的意见，
我只是不知道要怎样啦！

我不想听！我不想想！我也不想猜了！
突然我觉得我很累很累，
我不曾是让命运控制我的人，
但我想赌一次博，名为“顺其自然”!

Cleaning

2010-07-04T02:33:00.003+08:00

If you think you have the authority to criticize on me,

you're wrong!

If you think what you did were right,

you're definitely wrong too!

You had the authority but now you have no authority at all...

Things changed.

I thought if I cut the bound between him and me,

it's just affected both of us,

but too bad, you're one of the victim too^^

it's okie, sweep both of you out of my life will be my will.

Last time you can speak, but now you can't...=)

Words are dust from you...

Good-bye to dust...

不懂

2010-06-27T12:45:00.002+08:00

慌张，

再次寻找不到平衡点，

到底是对是错自己不晓得，

是祸是福，还需要时间证明。

无助，

看不见未来，

根本无法推测和预算到，

是自己不想去深透了解和分析，

还是自己没有能力这样做，不懂了。

十二点的短讯，

几乎激醒了我还有一条没被切断的线。

真的要咩？？？烦~

原来我悲观的想法，今天又多了一个同伴，

又再次证明，没有永恒的爱，

只有永恒的谎言和虚伪。

可能我也是一样的，

没有爱别人的资格和勇气，

当初我埋怨和讥笑你，

原来我才了解到你的想法。

最终和我一起的不会是我喜爱的人，

这一点我很清楚，

所以我不应该拥有对自己的任何期望。

学习把自己的情绪慢慢凝固起来，

是必备的，何时完全掌控到，我也不懂得哦。

不一样的机会

2010-06-26T01:49:00.004+08:00

能用口说出来的东西，

对于我是不太能相信的东西，

比起这个，我会比较相信我的眼睛和脑袋。

虽然如此，

我依然抱着一丝的希望，

就是不会让我看见失望。

这希望可能很渺茫，

因为它处于绝望的边缘，

但是我想我也有一定的胜算。

无论别人说些什么，

我还是相信我眼里的你，

我相信你的人格，相信你的直觉等等。

请不要破坏我的相信，

也不要误会我的用意；

原来要克服别人的眼光，

无论重复了几次，

也是很难办得到不让别人影响的思想。

我想上天会给我这个考验，

是想看见我的想法的不同和变化，

当然我也不会辜负妹子的期望；

我想今天不幸中的大幸是您的保佑吧？

我会尽量不乱发脾气了，

无论如何，

还是要祝您生日快乐，希望您听见^^

过去

2010-06-20T01:51:00.002+08:00

一张被Tag的照片，
勾起了很多回忆。
当然，我有时贸然的想起了你，
我生平中第一个认的妹妹，
一个比我还要成熟的妹妹。
一年三个月十四天，
虽然被生活的忙碌埋没了你，
但是偶尔还是想起你了。

好想念以前的人和物，
虽然是有点抽象化，
我记得那时的我还挺开心的。
更开心的是原来在大家心里，
都储存着我们大家一起共同拥有过的回忆。
过回现实的生活的几年里，
还真的会有很多预想不到的东西，
也有很多应该和别人学习的东西。
我可真的很努力学习着呢！
我想大家也是，
只不过我惨一点，
好像灵魂离开了现实4年；
所以要学会人家懂了而自己不懂的一切。

我会不断得提醒自己，
无论如何，能给我依靠的也只有我自己。
我不会让自己输给那些费才的挂名亲戚.
绝对不可以认输！！！

D 1

2010-06-19T01:05:00.002+08:00

I'm back today...
Somehow I feel strange.
I just away for a couple of weeks;
I felt like I had been away for months.
I wasn't able to adjust my mind in-time,
in order to fit back to the way I'm when I was in my land...
I thought I might pleased to meet the tomato guy,
I'm not though...
This is the first time, in my life,
pay a visit to a doctor without have to pay...
Big joke of the year for me,
good news is that I can save my money,
bad news is nothing cured me...

The same question I asked for years,
insufficient answer nor evidence to prove I was right.
If you hate me, why did you find me?
If you love me, why did you leave me?
Yeah, I'm still sticking with my own wordings,
"Get used is a big crap, because after u lose the crap then you will suffer like a crab"

No matter what's all this about,
the only thing that brought back the real me is still the same,
my food!!!!!!!
My hana-maki and lovely soy ice cream...
Woohoo.. they were just too awesome~^_^
Lastly, I <3 internet~~~

Messages for No one but a warning!

2010-06-17T00:09:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I don't really understand,

I just can't control my own temper when facing few of you.

Why I have to apologize when I don't think I'm the one doing wrong?

The moment you start to insult me,

you have no authority to ask a sorry from me.

I mentioned this n-times already,

this is my thinking and my perception.

Even though I'm living in my own world,

if you can't take it, why must you force yourself to find me?

Aren't I asked you to stay away from me?

I'll bite if anyone trying get near to me, you know? =)

I start disliking myself,

for being influence by my feeling and emotion easily.

I did lots of mistakes and keep repeating it again and again.

I blame myself for having such noobing phobia,

unable to be alone is most embarrassing one.

Why I just can't get rid of it??!

I hate to be alone,

But it is burdening the people besides me...

Please, don't accompany me because of responsibility or compliments.

Do it with your willingness or leave it if you're not.

If you're the one who having such comments like I'm too self-centralization, or I'm too selfish. Please reflect your mind back to your own.

As if you're the one who doing this all the time until I'm sick with it.

I always try my best not to commit any mistakes but not this one.

If you want a girl who is obedient and always think bout your feeling,

next door please...

现实的悲剧

2010-06-12T18:16:00.000+08:00

在梦里的我，是多么的开心和幸福，

我知道这是一场梦，是美梦吧。

我真的很希望这个梦可以维持到更久，

但是梦既是梦，终有一天，我会醒来的。

不知从何时起，我变得如此的贪心，

我希望我永远都醒不来，

我曾经说拥有过就够了，可是我现在却反悔了。

还真是一个没用的人呢！

就算怎样，我还是得面对真实的世界了吧？

我真的不敢想象以后那个不再是单身的我，

谁说宁愿的最小人都别得罪女人？

男人就不可恶吗？不可怕吗？

对自己的伴侣说有对爱她，对她自死不渝，

可是最后就躺在别人的床上了？

牵着我的手，口说着爱我的，

然后就睡在别个女人的床上了，

什么身体需要？心里依然是最爱我？

如果出卖和背叛了女朋友，还虚假的对她好，

没有一个女生接受得到吧？

如果不爱了，就放她走吧，何必因为责任感而伤害三个人的感情呢？

不管是生理还是心理，

想过拥有别朵花就是不对！

男人啊，还真的可怕，

我果然还是无法走出阴影，

女人啊，要有坚强的心，

别笨到对一个男人痴心绝对，

爱真的那么伟大吗？

我看不见，听不到。

有时候，单身真好，

暧昧也不错，至少没有责任的存在，

没有相爱的证据，要散就散，

散了就忘了，不好吗？

我不是对爱没有信心，

而是对现在的男生没有信心吧。

在埋怨着别人对自己有没有“百分百”的信任时，

不如问问自己有没有给到“百分百”的相信。

Tearless and Fearless

2010-06-10T00:40:00.003+08:00

Never thought that I would have to deal with the same thing after years.
Is God wants to see my changes?
I really think it's a good opportunity for me,
to see my difference after one and the half years.

Honestly,
I'm being numb with it.
nothing hard and special anymore to me.
I'm quite curious to know what's the difference I can make too^^...

Although the same things, situations, incidents were similar,
I believe I can grab this chance to prove it to myself that I'd changed.
One and the half year ago and now,
I did change.. a lot..
I learned when to give up,
I learned not to get used to anything
And I learn to erase the "disappointment" word away from my mind...

A little hope here is
I'm awaiting a "cute mammal" come to find me as he has promised only =)..

=）

2010-06-07T01:09:00.003+08:00

Can't help but I just feel something again...
Hmm, practically it's not relevant to me,
but since I noticed it, just speak it out.
If you think you're capable enough to keep everything yourself,
I don't think you're tough enough.
I can't really sure what's happening but my sense tell me there's something there...
Of course I won't force people to voice out anything,
but I have a pair of good ears... I believe I have...
If you choose to hide everything behind your mask,
you may do it as you pleased...
When you'd tired to wear it,
please take it down and have a rest...
You're just a human, fragile and mortal one...
Friends is there to support you,
don't ever think you're a burden to them,
you'll make them sad if you think that way...

I'm not sure whether my sense was correct this time, but as usual... I hate to have strong sense and sharp observations or even accurate predictions...

Battle's On

2010-06-05T21:43:00.002+08:00

In order to beat You up,
I swear I would do all I can to win this round,
I would try and sacrifice anything just to gain victory.
Even I have to abandon all my feelings,
or I would have to forget all the sensation and emotion,
I'll do it for the sake of victory...

Disappointment arises when hope ended,
Sadness ends when you stop being happy,
love ends when you stop crying,
Hurt ends when you stop believing...
If "sweet" word doesn't appear, "bitter" will be nothing...
That's all the truths of human life.
Everything will start from zero, end with zero too...
I'm on my way, learning to be numb and nothing.
Love nor hate shall be nothing onward,
happy or sad should be erase from my life...
This is the only way I can win one.. with my pride...

Untitled

2010-06-05T00:13:00.002+08:00

Remember what is the main intention,
not to forget what is the purpose,
Please wake up...
Enough for the crap and dream..

Swearing please...
the word, next, will be disappear forever...

其实我也很幸福~

2010-06-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

有时候，我想要的东西，
并非是很难，
因为家人做不到的，朋友们都做得到，
友谊之上，恋人未满的给不到，朋友们一样做到。

出门时，有朋友的陪伴，
生病时有朋友的关怀，
食物吃不完有朋友包办，水喝不完有水桶包办，
看电影有人家准备冷衣，
紧急时朋友们都会拔刀相助。
有时觉得我很幸福，
大概上天还是对我公平的吧。
虽然有血缘关系的，是挂羊头卖狗肉的，
存在的意义所在只是花瓶的角色和烦恼的根源，
还好我有一个疼爱我的爸爸，和一些好朋友^_^

不过，
如果你觉得你的讽刺是出于关心，
我不懂得欣赏啦，
如果因为妒忌而用利用别人伤害我，
我已经麻木了；
请不要把陪伴我或和我聊天当成是一个责任，
那个不是朋友的责任，毕竟我们还是朋友。
请不要把我当成后备，没人理会才找我的，
我会回复讯息只是因为不理会或不回复是一个很没礼貌的行为。

没有所谓的男朋友的存在，我一样可以活得很好，
因为当我发现朋友给到的而你却给不到时，我会对你无比的失望。
我要的不是刻骨铭心的爱情，
不需要长久，只要有意义，曾经拥有就足够了。
不是因为我喜新忘旧，而是因为永崔不朽的爱情只能在童话故事里找得到；
我学会了一种爱，叫做放手。

Words for you...

2010-05-30T00:40:00.002+08:00

I'm actually forecasting, after 12 hours later,(although I'm not sure whether you will log to this web)
Someone will be very depress and sad because of something...
Honestly I'm not good in comforting people.

To the one who are reading this piece,

even though you may be in a very frustrated or sad mood,

even to you, it's a disaster or depressing one,

please don't give up..

The truth maybe always cruel as it won't goes according to you,

but as a human, we have to accept it...

Sad or depress is not prohibited but at least after having such feelings,

please stand out at your own feet and start to work-out..

Remember that many people will be there to support you, n you're not alone...

Failure is the key of success, it is the mother of success too..

As friend, I hope you will stay and give yourself another try because other too having the same situation with you...

I can't express it face to face because I'm afraid my words will hurt.. Hope you read it... =)

Rage it off!

2010-05-29T00:43:00.002+08:00

I keep believe in one theory,
God is always balance and fair,
that everything is equal..
If you had lose something,
you will gain back something which is equivalent with the lose one...
Although it may be in different ways and feedback...
I really believe it is!

However,
if this is the thing that I have to sacrifice in order to pay back the gain...
I'm not satisfied nor agree with it!!!!
It's extremely unfair if it goes like this!!!
YOU gave me an opportunity to choose,
either to be an angel or devil,
I was willing to hurt myself in order to protect another from being hurt.
I thought it is worth for me to do an exchange,
I know it is!
But why YOU give me a lifebelt before I drowned,
I know I won't die because of the existence of the lifebelt;
and then you pull it away before I was able to reach it for survival ???

If cold-heart is the way to be, then I will follow the way it should be...
Or just Ignorance is bliss???
How could I ignore it??
Instead of Just Dance, I prefer Just Damn!=3

Dua puluh sen!

2010-05-27T00:24:00.004+08:00

Few more days to go before my holiday end,
but I guess it would be the last time for me to hang out(with you) for this 2 weeks.
Honestly, I'm happy even though I was worried.
Thanks god that Kampar was my secondary home,
as I know if the longer I stay here,
things really will change...
Even I, Myself don't dare to imagine what's going to happen next.
I don't dare to think because I don't want to change anything,
just let it be the way when we first met will be perfect for me.
Throughout this 2 weeks,
I could say it's and it will be a memorable holiday for me,
although I didn't fully utilize my days,
I know you had been utilize yours ^^...
I was extremely happy when I noticed that you're still keeping the "ancient" pics,
although I was awkward when you showing it to me,
I was touched too.
I'm looking forward for next time when I will be coming back~
Thanks for picking Penang and thanks for everything...
Friendship forever^^ ...(please don't make me lose my bet for the drink oh>.<)

I wonder should I write it here, but luckily, I remember that you hate to read tons of words'...

Bet start on 24/5/2010, end on 24/11/2010... Item for bidding - MCD medium light coke!!
To someone who is involve in the bet, I definitely won't lose this one =P...

人生

2010-05-26T20:14:00.002+08:00

人生，
就像是在马路上行驶的车子，
当然人就是车的驾驶者。

驾的太慢，后面的车子就会问候你家长，
甚至导致交通阻塞。
驾的太快时，很享受那种快感，很威风似的；
可是往往不小心、得意忘形就上去天堂了。
当然驾驶的时候，不一定一路都是通行无阻，
会遇上交通灯、交通阻塞等，那就是人生中的绊脚石和考验。

一个犹豫不决的驾驶者，
挡在路中间，是要往前走还是转弯都不懂的，
当然也逃不过被问候的下场，严重的还会遭来杀身之祸呢！
就像一个犹豫不决的人一样，
不能果断地决定自己要走的路，
是一件多悲哀的事！

马路上，
走错路了，
有些只是需要绕个小圈子，或是几条路就可以绕回原点，
有些要花费大量的时间和车油，需要绕一个大圈才可以回到原点，
有些走错了，你可能没有回头的机会。
人生，
一丝铸成千古恨，回头已是百年生~
人无千日好，花无百日红~
可我相信，守得云开见月明，就是碰不到月亮....

给自己的问题

2010-05-24T01:18:00.003+08:00

面对自己真的很难吗？
为什么连自己要什么也不知道了？
等待了几年，愿望实现了，为什么还不满足？
真的要委屈自己就只是因为你喜欢一个你不懂他爱不爱你的人吗？
接近二十二岁人了，真的还要这样漂浮不停、犹豫不决吗？还有时间给你玩耍吗？
就算你知道你可以在别人手中得到他，你会高兴吗？
得到了，然后呢？？你真的认为你们会长久吗？
当初发生的问题，用了一个谎言来骗自己、责怪自己，难道就要永远逃避及再制造更多的谎言来掩饰他的错误？？
五个月多的时间，拿来当消遣吗？
你真的认为，两个人改变了，问题就不再存在了吗？？
四年来所浪费的青春岁月在一个过客的身上，值得吗？
回到她身边的话，他真的会珍惜你吗？？？

醒醒吧。。。

A reminder for me!

2010-05-22T03:04:00.003+08:00

With the existence of my blog,
I hereby swearing that I would cut off all my feelings, emotions and sentimental thinking towards everything today onward!

Of course I can't do it in 1 day, I will try my best to do it no matter what it takes or how long it would takes!

Brain will be the top and only priority to function for any decisions to be made...
Emotions or any personal feelings shall be ignored and disposed.
Listen instead of talk!
Sharing or discussing personal stuff and emotion is prohibited!

I hope I can remember the mistake I made and this is the only way for me to safe myself.

往事只能回味吗？？

2010-05-21T02:08:00.002+08:00

半天吊了，上不去、下不来。
选择？没得选，
失去的可以从来吗？
自己放弃的机会，可以要回吗？
历史可以改变吗？
其实答案很明显，不可能。

这次回来，我真的很高兴，
可是高兴的背后，酸酸的；
当初自己种的因，现在就要接受它的果了，
很讽刺吧？
原来这样就过了四年。

我是否应该不理会一切，照常相处？
还是有所避忌？
就照着心走吗？
如果照着走，我真的不需要理会别人的想法吗？
会不会很自私？

看会几年前一起玩的游戏，
我真的很怀念。
难道往事真的只能回味？

Piece of Memory

2010-05-20T01:13:00.003+08:00

Guess what? The past 12 hours were awesome. It's quite long time since I wrote in essay form months ago, however, I decide to jot it down today. I would like to freeze it forever here, another piece of memory...

I thought it will be a nightmare for me, as I don't know what to chat with him, however, the things I worried weren't the problems at all. Everything went well. I'm glad with it^_^

Ip Man II, watched at Gurney Plaza. The movie was cool and humorous enough to entertain me, of course have to thank someone too=). Before movie, lunch of course! No time for picture since my hunger was overpowering than my sentimental side. After slack at the complex, beach time~ Was like being a tour guide, went to few beaches from Gurney drive to Tg Bungah and headed until Batu Ferringgi and then"fly back" down town there. The wave of the sea was crazy today@_@'''. Having dinner at the hawker stall at Gurney Drive.

Seriously, I enjoy the day very much... I hope he enjoy it too ^^.

I'd lie

2010-05-19T00:29:00.002+08:00

What will you do when the wish you awaited for years granted,
yet only you found out that it's all lies?
I lived in the lie for years,
A lie which I create to cover the truth...
Even I,myself was mistake that it is the truth,
The wish I made,
Simply just nothing more but a lie...
I'd lie to myself,
I'd lie to my own feeling and heart...

What should I do?
I thought that is my hope,
I thought it is the best medicine for me when I was hurt...
But from the beginning until now,
It's just a lie, to make myself easier and comfort...
4 years back...
It was an excuse for me to recover and release,
just because I believe that the wish will grant and that is what I want...
Excuse still remains as an excuse.

I hate myself...
I'm truly tired with myself...
I was lying to myself for 4 years.

Idiot...

好人、坏人？

2010-05-18T15:56:00.002+08:00

何谓好人？
对你好的人？不伤害你的人，
就称得上是好人？
那么那个讽刺过你、伤害过你的人就是坏人咯？
杀人放火、烧你全家，打你妈妈的人也是坏人？
你真的分得出谁好谁坏的话，
我真想拜你为师了。

对我而言，人并没有好坏之分，
只有聪明和愚蠢之别；
因为好人和坏人，都是同一个人。
对于自己喜欢的人，当然自己会显示出好人的一面，
面对你非常讨厌不爽的人，姨妈姑姐祖宗十八代都搬出来，
不是吗？

聪明的人，
并非是成绩好还是有多么强大的成就，
而是懂得在什么时候应该要做些什么恰当的事，
会把握机会来发挥自己。
当然，聪明人也是人，
总是会有做错的时候，
知道自己的错误，是聪明的，
知错能改，笨蛋跳海。
可是在如果知道自己的错误了，还是执著地不肯承认和有所更改，
那就是跳海也没得救，笨到一个顶点。

笨蛋的人，
就只会求人给而自己又吝啬，不肯付出的蠢材。
不懂得在正确的时候应该做些什么的，
只会要求别人帮忙，而自己却不尽力帮助自己，
极度蠢材的，
就是不懂原来自己是错的，还要嫁祸在别人身上，
更认为自己永远是对的。

我并非是一个聪明人，
很可能我也是一个笨蛋，
可是还是比上不足，比下有余吧。

原、理

2010-05-17T01:52:00.002+08:00

心里，
好久没有那么平静了，
没有任何挂念和思念；
也是一种享受。

长大了，
不可以像小时候那么无知和鲁莽了，
开始明白不是什么事都会依照你的想法。
“人在江湖，身不由己”
愚蠢的我才开始慢慢明白这句话的含义。

原来每个人对“感动”的定义是不一样的，
我觉得感动的东西，可能对别人只是觉得好意；
原来当我不再在乎某些事情时，
我也会被那个冷漠无情的自己吓到的。
原来最可悲的事不是因为你忘不了他人，
而是你自己都不知道原来那个景物已经消失在你脑海里了，
永远回不来了。

当我明白这些道理时，
自己也被吓到了。

Speci♥l One~

2010-05-15T02:32:00.003+08:00

I'm extremely delight, toward tonight.
The feeling of excitement, was just get ride of the disappointment.
I know nothing more I can do, but nothing more I'm asking for
It was more than enough, at least I know you've changed after years.

For six years I'm waiting for,
my wish granted, tonight..
I thought my waiting will end up with idle nor numb;
I was wrong...

At least for today,
I faced my heart.
Finally, the thing I was awaiting for years,
is just by sitting in front of you,
enjoy your smiling face with lots of jokes and chats.

Thank you...♥

不一样的笑容

2010-05-13T19:03:00.002+08:00

视线是越来越模糊了，越来越差了，
除非必不得已，我都会坚持不戴眼镜；
原因很简单，我就是不喜欢看得太清楚。

朋友们曾说过我观察能力和分析能力还蛮不赖的，
但我不曾认为那是一件好事，
拥有好的观察能力强和分析能力，
不是一件幸福或值得羡慕的事。
有时候本来不应该被发掘的真相，
揭开了会是一段恶梦的开始。

我是那么的好胜，不是要胜过别人，
而是不喜欢被谎言掩饰着真相，
就是输不起“谎言”；
我会是一个愿意费尽一切就只为了寻找真相的人，
当然也只是在于我在乎的事。

观察到真相了，分析到对的答案了，
又怎样？自己开心吗？
有时候，会宁愿自己笨一点，
有时候，希望自己少看一点，
更有时候，压迫自己少知一点。

不必要退后一步或向前一步的，
原地踏步会让你看到更多你意想不到的，
我是想看到多一些，又怕心里承受多一点的压力；
我想知道多一点，却担心自己会承受对一点的烦恼。
自讨苦吃。

不爱戴眼镜的我，
至少还能分辨得出，
同一个人在不同场合，跟不同的人一起时的笑容
很明显有着一些差别，
就是少了那一点点的自然和真实感....

厌

2010-05-12T23:12:00.004+08:00

最后一张卷子，死在沙滩上了，
搬家后，老毛病又犯了，
连回家的路途，都要给我看到不吉祥的东西。
回到家后，才发现忘记带我的电脑的Charger...
连我唯一可以“隔离”自己的东西都没了。

有时候觉得我到底应不应该回来，
为什么每一次回来，都会听到我不喜欢听的东西。
为什么在我很烦的时候又加重我的负担？！！！
才回来第一天就有种不想回来的感觉，
难道真的是要我一年回来一次才甘愿？
我坏脾气？我没耐性？
不如这样好了，我们来调换角色！

我从来都不想认的地方
一个我从来都不觉得是属于我的地方。
最小的待遇是最好？后面算起来吧。
我真的心冷了，我尽力了，
就当着是我跟你们没有缘分吧！

每次从朋友口中得知在家的趣事，
让我真的很羡慕；
多希望我有着这样的时候，
可惜那是不可能的任务。
是我不懂得珍惜？
珍惜从小就抱着不公平对待？
还是心理不平衡？

zzzzzz

2010-05-11T18:19:00.002+08:00

不安 damage deal 200%
烦恼 damage deal 100%

Status: Stun + Poison + Freeze + Stone
HP: 1/999
SP: 0/500

Items needed for healing purpose :
2 x Ice cream
1 x Beer ( Long island preferred)
1 x extremely delicious food
1 x stone of reborn (老鼠药！）

__________________________________________________________

不安！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

无题2

2010-05-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

今天在图书馆闲得没事做，
就试试看我的手提“耐用不耐用”，
结果不错，“空中飞机”了三次还好好的，
最后还无聊到“试试”看我的头硬一点还是桌子硬一点！
好丑哦，人家出丑一次已经够力了，我三次也叻！！！

凌乱的心境，复杂的心情，无法形容；
人是那么脆弱的，要走就走了，连交待一声也没有。
生死隔离是最悲痛的吗？
还是因为再生的时候你没有好好珍惜过？
儿女私情 vs 生死隔离，谁最悲痛？
“当然是生死隔离比较痛咯”，
你错了，那是你痛不是他痛，他没有知觉了。
“那么就是儿女私情咯，两个都痛嘛”？
那你又错了，等到彼此有了另一个就不痛了。
哪一个最痛，没得比；人比人，比死人！
是痒是痛，时间过了就会好了。

一样的路，却会走出不一样的结局；
一个愿意放弃自己的尊严和逻辑，
就凭一句“彼此相爱”，就在一起；
一个让理智淹没了心声的，
放弃了改写故事的机会。
能找到你爱他，而他又爱你的人不容易，
可是，彼此相爱了又能和睦共处的更加难。
童话故事里的爱情，只有表面的美好，背后的心酸多少人了解？

我曾经怀疑过自己的决定，
不过过了今天，我非常肯定我的选择是对的。
一个自私和固执的人，是不需要你改写一些什么的。
如果有了你和没有你的生活没有任何改变，
那我要你来干嘛？？当花瓶？
我需要的，朋友做得到而你却做不到，好可悲哦！
谢谢Fish aka Venice n-年前的的一句话，
还要我还记得~~
还是那几句话，往事只能回味；往事不堪回首；雕栏玉砌应犹在，只是朱颜改。

“对不起啊，桌子先生，我以后不敢了！好痛哦，我知道你硬一点了！”
呜呜呜T_T, 变笨了。。
痛痛 T____T

Bored One

2010-05-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

I told myself not to be angry,
it's nothing to do with her,
all was because of that idiot's fault.
Yes, of cos it did!
Childish enough for those unnecessary argument...
It has nothing to do with me(surface),
But still something to do with me internally!!!!!
Waiting hours for the meal and failed...
The rice was dancing in front of me T___T..
The egg-tart was laughing at me too :'(
In the end the only poor things that I can grab was fruitie!!!

Last paper to go,
but where's my motivation???
Missing in action instead.
Not in good mood to study,
zero knowledge bout the subject,
subject is tough and hard to swallow..
Other enjoying their holiday trip at Langkawi,
but I'd become table hopper...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Few days more to go,
I could meet someone who I was awaiting for years,
but I wonder where's mr. excited?
Seem like I'm not really await to see him,
where is my desperation last time??
What should I speak to him??
Hi, today the weather is good, have you eaten your meal???
crap ~_~'''

At least, I'm despo in dreaming my food...
wuwuwuwu....
Don't want to study, can???
Too tired to study and motivation just being eaten by dogs.
I want mango peach Ice Cream!!!!!!!!!!

哑的吃黄连

2010-05-09T02:26:00.000+08:00

看着面具上的灰尘，
好久没碰它了；
吹吹上面的灰尘，
差点忘了我不可以没有它。
戴上它不是我的喜爱，
可是我没有选择。

在自己的棋盘上，
作了一个错误，
我真的要为了我想要达到的目的，
戴回那个我不喜欢戴的面具吗？
我真的要丢弃我的心里的无奈，
只为了达到脑子里的目标？
自己惹的祸要自己承担，
逃避了几个月，问题还是存在的。

顿时想念在天空上的你，
我知道我的烦恼比起临走前的你微不足道，
你说过的话，我记得了却办不到。
可以告诉我，如何是好？
对不起。。。

我忘了怎么掩饰
我忘了怎样演艺
我更是忘了怎样面对自己

我只想要平静和自由。。。

去年的今天，和今年的今天，
走着同一条路，
却又不一样的心情。
该走的，走了！
留下来的是一些模糊的记忆。

该要面对的，逃不过，
该要守护的，不见了；
不该扑的，扑到差不多了。

完了

Just another piece of memory

2010-05-08T03:20:00.000+08:00

Another semester is going to end soon,
three more days, it's my 1st year anniversary for coming to Kampar.
Previously I doubted my choice,
was choosing to leave;
I regret to doubt it after meeting you guys...
You guys are great.

If that's the fate made by god,
I'll treat it as a compensation for my sacrifice.
Maybe to you guys,
nothing more than just another new mate,
but to me it's a biggest ever gifts to me in Kampar.
With yours accompany,
I'm free from wearing any of my "used" mask,
just back to what I am will do...
It's comfortable without the masks, you know?

I truly enjoy today,
it's going to be an awesome memories to me for sure...
Although along the days my contribution wasn't much
just helps by saving the footsteps for you guys.
Thanks for everything ^_^

Good luck and hopefully it's just a coma of the memories and not a full-stop..

Specially thanks to Mr. Sotong, Ms Octopus and Mr "Pool"... XD

圈

2010-05-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

我在地上画了一个圈圈，
一个足以容纳我的小圈圈；
站在圈圈的范围内，
可以感受到太阳的温暖，
可以望见花儿的微笑，
更可以在夜里看见星星的闪耀。

我只想原地踏步，
如果我往前踏多一步，
如果我往后退了一步，
离开了圈子；
等待我的是恶梦的开始，
还是美满的结束，
我不懂。。。
不过我懂的是

“妈妈说不可以赌”

Untitled...

2010-05-02T01:05:00.000+08:00

Emotion that I had,are missing in action now...
The things that I cared before, no longer around.

Last time,
I hate the rain,
it's cold and irritate me;
I like it today,
I wanted to run and have fun in the rain.
though I failed to do so,
I lost my chance to wake myself in the rain...

How many times do I have to awake my brain?
Heart doesn't work for me,
it's spoiling me if I listen to it...
Brain made me suffer,
but at least it's letting me viewing the truth,
which the heart never tell before...

I'm afraid of the coming future,
full of uncertainties and question marks.
Once again,
I made a same mistake...
Can't help it but just let it be what it wants to be...
If I found any solutions,
I'll do it even I have to sacrifice something...

蜿蜒

2010-04-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

我的反应，我自己都吓到了；
出乎意料的冷静和没反应，
反而闭上眼睛就一觉到天明。

或许我已经麻木了，
这个“或许”我不担心，
但是如果是另一个”或许“，
那就是最让我忐忑不安的。
希望Ms. Je 说的不要“好的不灵，丑的灵！”
那我就真的跳海，海都不理我咯。

唯一的安慰就是某人的讽刺，
因为我不比别人美、可爱、温柔等！
我的烦恼减了一半，
至少应该不会是我！
就想回家的路途，
遇见了粗心大意的流星闯到屁股，
还好月亮还在，
还好心肠还在，
还好甜食还在。

我就像在坎坷危机重重的游戏里，
享受着刺激中的快乐，
就是不懂何时会跌入山崖里，
结了一个永不超生的结局。

寻找平衡点

2010-04-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

现在生活的一切，真的失去了平衡；
如果我还是不闻不问，
会变得更加糟糕。

人，得到就不想失去，
我也是人，一样不想失去。
当然也不可以在前进，
原地踏步，有时你会看到不一样的一面。
超过了不应该越过的，
幸运的安然无恙，
不幸就会掉下湖咯。

人，没有一天是知足的
得到了一样就要两样，
就是背了太多你想要的，
回头望望，你会发觉你为那些东西牺牲的，
比你得到的还要多，
得到了有些人还不会珍惜。

要记得，失去的很难再从来，
不要失去就珍惜所拥有的，
不要喝pepsi了。 Don't always ask for more...

唯一的回忆

2010-04-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

一年又快过去了，
回头望望，当初鼓起多大的勇气离开槟城，
也鼓起勇气逃避我不能面对的一切。
那时候的我，选择一个人离开而来到这里，我没有后悔；
虽然我不喜欢这里，至少我知道我走了对你我都好吧？
我很庆幸我最终放下了，不费我离开的目的。

考试要到了，又要搬家了。
还记得第一次来这个人生地不熟的地方时，
你陪我和帮我安排的一切。
第一次在这里吃的东西，是你的最爱，
我不再去那儿吃东西，因为我想保留那个回忆。

还蛮想念你的牢骚，
我想如果那天我真的一五一十告诉你在这发生过的事，
你又会责备我笨蛋和每次都不听你的话吧？
不过我真的学聪明了一些了哦>.<
没有你的约束和“保护”，刚开始时很不习惯的，
现在不样了。
至少我们不再犹豫和过问我们之间关系是什么。

曾经有朋友问有没有后悔认识你，
虽然有时我的信念会动摇，
可是我最后也是确定我没有后悔认识你，
改变我最多的人，非你莫属了。
过去不开心的事，我不想记得，
我只希望你过得好就好了。

=）

2010-04-24T23:13:00.000+08:00

我本想用英文，可是我想还是不方便，
那个不方便也是我最大的安慰！
因为至少我不想让某些人知道我在写什么！
华语--〉FTW！
不懂华语？吃自己啦！

今天起要搬家了，正确是说搬房间，
搬了一些东西就累了，
有时觉得自己越来越没用。
我真的很不喜欢依赖别人，
可是我觉得我的能力越来越有限了。

第一次在伸手不见五指情况下待了好几个小时，
我讨厌停电，不是因为我怕黑，
而是因为太热太静了。
这次多亏了某些家伙，
把我从梦中吵醒了，
烦恼一件一件跟着来。
房间里的我，
开眼睛和关着眼睛没分别。

好想有一天我的脑子会好好休息，
好想有一天我不必害怕一个人。

好想有一天我不会太理智和现实！
如果给我一个机会，
我不会那么容易就放手！

2 0 1 2

2010-04-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

几乎每一个星期都有地震的报告，
还比人家中马票的几率来得更高。
是不是地球要吐了？
2012真的会是人类的句号吗？

如果是真的，
你会怎样做呢？
照常做每天做的事？
当着天掉下来当被盖？
我想也只有珍惜每一天吧。
我还有很多事没做呢，
也很多的遗憾。
爱我的人，我不爱，
我爱的人，爱别人；
我爱的人和爱我的人，
心灵上的距离太远了。

比世界末日更恐怖的，
就是大考。
我每天几乎都在啃书，
不是因为我勤力，
是因为如果不是这样，
我又会想到我不应该想的。
为什么我以为我可以忘掉，
可是真相是我还忘不了。

都是自己的错，
想在两个大坑的中间，
拿着一个盖子似的，
盖得了一个，
就会跌下另外一个。
忍着不让自己出错，
不让自己违反自己定下的决心，
想问候却不敢做，
想谈天却自己在斗气。

AHHHHHHH

2010-04-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

I really think that I shouldn't follow your path right?? (specially to Jennink!)
ahhhhh....
I realized that "high-speed regeneration" is killing me!
I must stop my steps now,
to prevent, to avoid and to ignore!

No idea but the timetable is bugging me..
Take it or leave it? Not as simple as that..
Exam is "kicking" my butt,
Study and revising like mad...
But I need a rest...

Too much problems occurred...
Can't mention here at all...
S****!!

I had underestimated myself to forget important things,
in the same time
I'm overestimated my ability to control my emotions and feeling...

Stress!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish my brain can stop function for 30 seconds... to rest at least...

Learning...

2010-04-21T00:27:00.000+08:00

Learn to ask and not making assumption because assumption is 50/50...
Learn to manage my emotion well as emotional killed...
Learn to be not cold-blooded person because it hurt others feeling...
Learn not to be short and hot temper because it will ruined my mood and health
Learn to eat and sleep in the right time because daddy say so!
Learn not to think further because it's hurt..
Learn not to be so straight forward because people will struggle with my words...

Just like my lecturer said " Learning is fun" (although I'm not agree with this statement)

Memorable day

2010-04-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

I'm quite tired, but I decide to jot down the fresh 20cents...

I enjoyed today very much.
Somehow I think the problem isn't problem anymore,
although I have to start all over again from zero,
life still-on...
thanks all of you^^
Friendship 4ever^_^

I watched "Ice Kacang First Love" aka “初恋红豆冰” (I m not sure whether the name is correct or not)...
I gained lots of clues from it...
I'm not a sentimental person,
but the movie is quite nice...

From the movie, what I can see that
If you love someone without expressing your words, even the "someone" know your feel,
he or she might still doubting and maybe don't even bother you.
Courage is the essences to love someone because you might be fail to get what you want from him/her.
If the one is fated to be yours, he/she will be yours. If he/she isn't, no matter how hard you tried, you'll enjoy the disappointment.

Spoiler Alert! Ignore it if you are not wishing to know the content of the movie!!!
I get touched by the hero's actions in the movie, although he fail to get her but at least I can see he sacrifice a lot just to protect the Ice Kacang from being ruined/spoiled.

Soil and Flowers

2010-04-18T21:04:00.000+08:00

Loves don't exist without sacrifice,
sacrifice and trust are the essences of and love.
Just like the plants v. soil..
Soil sacrifice its nutrient for the plants,
the plants grow well with the nutrient provided by the soil,
flowers blossom with the sake of that.
Plants sacrifice their freedom,
because there's no way for them to move.
If they moved from the soil,
soil is not able to provide them the nutrient that they need.
The soil will be useless and meaningless without the existence of plants too.
And we're believing that the soil will satisfy the plants need!
we know that the plants will give accompany to the soil too~

Love is like a barter system,
identify the needs and wants of each other,
understand and consider their feeling,
and make a trade.
Conditional love is meaningless.
Love is nothing if you don't understand it,
Love is a rose.
True love is consist of unconditional circumstances that you won't even bother anything but just him/her...
The wrong one bring nothing but damages...

Sentence that enlighten my heart...
"You would never ever get back to your home if you get the wrong coach"

希望井还是绝望井

2010-04-17T16:42:00.000+08:00

自己掉落深井里，大声呼喊着，等待被救出...
天黑了，我偶然低下头，才发现水面上满是闪闪的星光。
我总是希望在最深的绝望里，能遇见最美丽的惊喜。
可是水位在渐渐的上升着，不知何时会淹没所有的空间呢，
或许换个角度，井水上升会把我浮上去！
可是上到取得我，是活的还是死的就不晓得了。

我希望一切会从来，可是好像不可能似的。
我拿考试骗自己不要想太多，
可是考试后呢？？
我说过我要遗忘，可是我好像做不到。
我的心想要的，和我脑子里的是完全相反。
跟随我的心？太迟了。
依照我的脑？看不到未来了。
什么都不要想？骗人的。
希望会有奇迹，不过我好像没有那么幸运。

我是固执，固执到伤害了自己，
只好对自己说：“时间会证明一切”。
是希望还是失望，考完试再说！！

Just a general reminder...

2010-04-16T23:23:00.000+08:00

With the existence of this blog! We will see whether my prediction will be true or not!! Although nothing to do with me, but... just curious =P... If it's true, then I win this one, if it isn't then I accept that I lose!!! I treat!!!

对不起

2010-04-16T13:55:00.000+08:00

第一次，对自己做得到的事，
却不去理会。
你要的要求是很简单，
我可以改变自己去接受，
可是问题是你又会为我而改变什么？
我想你不会这样做。

既然两个人达不到共鸣，
恨你？抱怨？埋怨你？
我做不到。
恨一个人是需要很大的力气，
对你，我做不到。
所以我选择遗忘，
遗忘所发生的事和你。
我不想再走回一样的圈子，
几年了，总是绕了又绕，
兜兜转转还是绕在你的圈子。

相爱容易相处难，
为什么他们的爱情那么容易简单，
而我的却那么深澳？
喜欢就在一起，不喜欢就分开？
我很怕，历史会重演。
我很自私是不是？
我很渴望能拥有这段爱情，
但我怕我自己的三心两意，
会造成更大的伤害。

我很自私，
我想如果注定是我的，最后也会是我的。
注定不是我的，现在多么努力地执着和争取，最后也不会是我的。

对不起。。。

^_^

2010-04-15T11:53:00.000+08:00

I am surprise,
because I could be such calm.
As I think I already accept the truth.
Another reason is of course,
a good new that I received yesterday.
No matter how emo or sad I am,
this new definitely make me laugh until lose control! lol..

I'm looking forward for the coming holiday!
I don't mind rotting myself at Penang for weeks!!
Because I know I won't get bored!!
He will be there! for months!!!
Oops, too excited tim...

我还是我

2010-04-14T17:12:00.000+08:00

想了整个晚上，
我想我的推测是真的，
我当然不希望是，
但是答案已经很清楚了。

我想我自己也有自己的决定。
其实我要的东西-不难。
我讨厌等待，
我厌倦要猜测。
我需要的，
只是关心、谅解、包容和忍让。
怀疑，不是我的性格
耐心，抱歉了，爸爸良好的基因传不到给我

我没有资格批评别人
因为我很固执
我更不懂怎么让自己活在无奈和疑问中静静不出声
我会忍让，不过有限的。
一旦我认为我已经尽力了，
而结局不是我想要的，
我只好放手。
我不想再拖拖拉拉了，
拉得好累。

前面一个可以一声也没说，
就把我丢下。
我欣赏他，
不负责任到那么潇洒，
三年里一个信息都没有。
我也很佩服自己，
可以不追问理由的过了几年。
理由不重要，
只要你决定放弃和走人时，
记得走了就不要回来！

我很脆弱，
内心可能比任何一个女生还要弱，
常常飘浮不定的。
我也有冷血的一面，
但是就是不够冷和绝。

当我看见你留下的回应，
我想你的答案，我懂了

2010-04-13T14:35:00.000+08:00

Do I have to change myself?
Am I an idiot who don't even know what I want?
How far can I go?
I'm too fragile... at least I know I am.
I'm too easy to be influence too..
Things are easily affected me...

Years ago,
I said that 2 type of person can be defined..
1 - Love is everything to him/her
2- Love is nothing to him/her...
I know my answer isn't the same as last time..
At least I know,
I changed too...

I'm on my way to learn..
Learn for improvement,
learn for emotional control,
learn to think and understand about others feeling...
learn to think from different angle...
Although they all aren't meet my satisfaction yet,
I trying my best...
I don't mind hurting when I'm on my way learning them...
Hurt sometime help to shape a tougher personality....

Just a piece of feeling...

2010-04-12T22:10:00.000+08:00

I log back to the old "ancient" forums, for fun. I was logging to the forum I made, for my own guild in Cabal. The first ever forum I create, of cos, thanks to Sam, Fish and others. Although today, the forum is dead, I have no intention to close it. As far as I know, this is the place where remind me of the words that she said... She is no longer with us, she is far away from us and she is watching us at the heaven. I miss the old days a lot, although I feel quite funny and envy of the old "me". I can hand leveling until level 146. No hack No Bot! I miss you a lot, Nikole... Other people might forgotten you, but not me... You drew a deep line inside my mind. Really sorry... But your dear is going well for you I guess.

Another "ancient" forum is I.....RO. A game that consume my time for more than 2 years. Gain and loss. I read back my posts and it make me feel like... refreshing my old memories. Even though until now I don't really know the reason why the server was closed, I'm glad and thanks my ex-housemate for introduce me this one. The forum reminds me a lot... At least I was able see the old "me" there...

Time changed everything... Nothing can be remain the same. The one you saw him/her yesterday, but today and the future, you may not seeing him/her anymore. That's life... Fragile and short... Learn to appreciate the things you having and people around you before too late to be...

Lastly,Rest in peace, ah tu and Condolence to your family... Even though I wasn't know you but smiling with you for few times when I was there...

=）

2010-04-11T14:12:00.000+08:00

"两个一样拥有不太好性格的人，
一个你不理会他的过去，
愿意当他的知心友，
即使他可能还比另一个糟糕，
是因为你懂每个人都有过去；
过了就算了。

一个你很计较他的过去，对他充满疑问。。
你想知道他的心底最真的一面，
你想知道很多关于他的东西。
即使他或许没那么糟糕，
可是你却很在乎那些缺点。
那是因为你很重视他，
所以对他的要求比别人高。

朋友和喜欢的人，
待遇是不同的。。。”

moodless

2010-04-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

My hand is really pain,
just like the pain I suffered at 06 January...
What should I do?...
Really suffering...
Make me moodless to do anything...
Pain.. sigh...

痛也是自己知

2010-04-10T02:01:00.000+08:00

真的很痛，
三个小时的疗程，
我哭足两个小时半。
原来自己身体亮红灯了也不知道！
第一次“享受”那个被电“滑”过身体的感觉，
原来我的手指在那时候也不由自己的弹痛。

一按到一些穴道时，
我真的痛到哭了。
第一次在外人前面哭了，
真得好痛，
除了指甲和头发，
没有一个地方是不痛的。
那时的我真想死死去算了！

以前为了学校，
努力练球，到后来我得到的是“痛”！
我还真笨。。。
奖杯和奖状背后，
是一滩的血和泪。
荣誉别人享，痛苦自己受！

还有几次的治疗哦，我不知道自己能熬过去吗。。
还很痛哦。。。。。

B n G

2010-04-09T02:59:00.000+08:00

(Credit to L...)
Guys,
You have your own ways,
You could anyhow flirt and playing fool with any types of girls,
You can show off in front of your brothers with the numbers of girls you have.
You also can irresponsibly leave after you did something wrong,
Just because you're a guy...

You can keep someone in the bottom of your heart,
while you're hugging another one who you don't even love her at all.
You tend not to cheat girls feeling,
Just because you're a guy...

Before you get someone,
you could do anything for the sake of her satisfaction,
even hurting yourself.
After you got her,
you'll start criticize and even complaining about her;
then you will find lots of excuses to flirt.
Because you're a guy...

When you just get to know a new girls with better looks,
you will learn to complain in front of her,
criticize and comment about your girlfriend,
that she don't understand you, don't support you and even not suitable for you.
Just because you're a guy.

You can even fall in love with a girl that you just know her not more than two hours,
but forgotten about the one that holding your hand for 2 years.
Naturally, You like fresh and new things..
Even you dislike the girl, you can even sleep with her.
Because you're a guy

You're talked without follow your heart,
you are used to create lies in order to cover another one.
You were get used to see the one that loving you was crying,
even get used to hurt her because of your brothers.
When the moment you dislike and intended to give up,
always used "you're good, but I m not suitable for you" as a full-stop.
because you're a guy.

Girls,
like to be pampered, like to hear sweet words,
just because they fit to their ears, even the words are fake.
Hoping that everything will sacrifice for you,
because you're a girl..

You are afraid of darkness, scared of being alone,
you will cry when watching dramas and listening to emo songs.
Even though you may be tough at the eyes of your friend,
but in the late night, you will still feel the pain.
Because you're girl, you have the authority to be sad.

You always hope that he will be your Mr. Right,
You always think that you're the happiest person,
you often being stubborn in placing trust on him.
You're sensitive, you're nihilist and you will afraid,
you will let your guard down because his eyesight.
Because you're girl...

You aren't as tough as your look,
you've mentioned that you can have a peaceful life even you were alone.
But the truth is you aren't.
You will rather stay at home to play game instead of facing him,
You will rather skip your meal because you've to eat alone.
Envious when couple passing by,
Giving reasons as you aren't as pretty as someone when you felt unsafe and hurt.
You might even questioned yourself why the nice guys there, isn't yours...

2010-04-09T01:39:00.000+08:00

I hope that the few bottles help =)

2010-04-08T20:05:00.000+08:00

简简单单就好 ^_^

堕落了。。。

2010-04-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

大考就要到了，抱着书的心情半点都没有！
不懂自己几时开始那么堕落了，
对于这一次的考试，真的没把握。
不晓得自己又怎么那么没自制能力！
这个学期的我真倒霉透顶，
第一次在一个学期拿了3张MC，
也是第一次一病就病了一个星期。

现在连睡眠时间也颠倒了，
心里要什么自己都不知道。。
这个学期，没有人督促我了，
不是我不要，只是我不想要他；
我不懂他的用意，
可是他不是我那杯茶。
为什么是我？？
有了花之主还妄想要别人，
过分了吧？
我希望有人能督促我读书，
不过不是那杯凉茶。

压力，像哑的吃黄连一般。
我不喜欢，却因为某些原因，
要伪装自己，演戏。。

唉~

2010-04-07T12:42:00.000+08:00

nihilism damage deal -200%
uncertainty damage deal - 100%
Jealousy damage deal - 25%
Envious damage deal - 150%
Wondering damage deal - 100%
Lack of confidence damage deal - 200%
堕落 damage deal - 175%

HP: 2/9999 Status: Dying

主。花

2010-04-05T01:01:00.000+08:00

夜里的花蕊，
在草丛里望着月亮，
日夜风吹雨打着。
有阳光的时候，渴望着雨水；
有雨水时则想要太阳。
有了阳光和雨水，
就渴望有人会欣赏它。

夜里的风是如此的冷冰，
可它也习惯了，
虽然在那最冷的时刻，
有人为它烧炭取暖。
可是在为它取暖的当儿，
也为别朵花儿呵护着。
无奈和可笑。
既然是有花之主，
还妄想要新的花蕊！

身边的花儿们，有了主子，
各自绽放了；
孤单离她们远了，
这朵花？你们忘了的话
无所谓~你们幸福就好。
有花之主，别妄想要多采别的；
有主之花，也别在渴望更好的，
珍惜现在所拥有的才是最正确的。

再冷也无所谓，因为如果没有冷冰的时刻，
又怎么会期待和珍惜温暖出现的时候呢？=）

无题

2010-04-03T01:25:00.000+08:00

第一次生病也无法休息，
究竟为了什么我也不懂。
虽然心里有的烦恼不是第一次了，
一个我无法告诉别人的烦恼。

我不喜欢现在的我，
喜欢一个人又不可以说，
这感觉不好玩，
可是我在犹豫；
到底应不应该这样下去。
短讯声音响起，
常都是失望的，
不是我在等的人或等到了又不是我想看到的话。

一段梦，一句话；
我无法遗忘的。。
不告诉别人的原因我也不懂；
至少我想我心底的所希望的，
不是什么大事，也不是什么见不得光的事，
只是想把它放在心里，
不想节外生枝罢了。

我不懂到底这次我的选择，
和之前有什么不同，
也不懂到底对不对；
更不懂对别人有没有造成伤害。
伤害，现在的我有点怕，
可是我却安慰别人不要怕被伤害。
好矛盾哦！

是我在玩弄着自己的感情？
是我不相信自己的感觉？
命运该不会让我绕圈圈吗？
绕了好远又回到原点。
我害怕承诺，
因为它是最美丽的谎言。

我只是单纯想把我现在的感觉写下，至少让以后的我会记得今天的我。

On my way to learn...

2010-04-01T14:08:00.000+08:00

I'm used to hate alone,
yet now I got no choice but trying to get used with it
I'm too scare to be alone,
and the answer behind the reasons were unknown.

Everything changed,
seem like loneliness starts to ignore my friends,
and heading to my life.
Soon and later,
I guess I really have to learn
ways to enjoy for being alone..
I think I shouldn't let my guard down anymore...

I wish for a peaceful life,
just like the one I had before.
Without worries and annoys..
I need to learn how to make the wish come true,
I need to practice a lot...endless...

I miss my food in pg too >.<
but learning not to eat too much XD